That feeling you get

It was very late at night when I noticed. I had just sat down again, for the twentieth time it seemed, and there it was. I looked upon it, again and again, and I never really saw it. But then I did and I knew beauty. I dropped to my knees and cried until I could cry without crying. And then I looked up and saw it, in fragmented whole, I cried out, I sunk to my knees and sat. Before me I saw it and every person I had ever known, and my heart ached to touch them again. I saw every girl I thought of in love staring me in face. I felt the jubilation of a first hand held and the sorrow of what could have been that night too many nights ago. I felt the pang of the heartbreak of not being returned what I had given, but a choke of smile that was returned at every movement. I saw every person who I was scorn to, and guilt flooded my eyes, a self loathing of self I could not remove from my shoulders. I saw every loved one I had loved and I was scared that they were in the light and not facing it with me. The glow was so beautiful though I could not keep myself but to cry. So I cried again at the beauty of my anguish, awash in light. The thousands of lights crept to my fingers, pulling at me. I heard the laughter that makes you cry when you hear it, but all I could do was smile. And then I saw those people again and could not contain my joy. I shouted, I shouted until I could not shout myself down I was so loud. My voice rang out strong and loud and I could not hear myself except for my voice. I ran, jumped up, ran and yelled in joy, I smiled in euphoria and I cried fat tears of tears, not knowing their purpose. I ran up to each one person and yelled at them, and jumped with them and joyed with them. It was so happy I could not contain myself, so I yelled some more. They were all there happy with me, jumping and yelling loudly. I ran and jumped and cried and ran and cried and jumped and sat down in front of the light. It was blazing with the people, I was blazing with joy. I could not contain myself, my tears were so wet, I was jumping out of my tears, I was everywhere in emotion and everything in place, I felt the hanging feeling of falling and the weightlessness of a precipice. I stood on the edge of euphoria. Oh and I yelled. I yelled forever and then yelled and the sun yelled and the world and the light yelled and I was happy. So I fell back and laughed and smiled and thought of the light and the things I had done would do. So I laid back and laughed and yelled till I slept and I slept with the happiest dreams, the ones where you feel awake in life. Oh it was joyous to be alive in my dreams. It was joyous to live, to life. I was not afraid of the light anymore and of the sadness in tears. I wasn't afraid, I was happy and ready. So I yelled again and smiled again and laughed again and cried again and thought again and loved again and lived again.